News from a Crier


Blessed be the Province of Feylin, for news of our hardship has reached the royal ear! King Thurgold Oswald, Fifth of his Name, has announced his intentions to breach the now-perverse walls of Aresgate to rescue the Bastard Prince from the deific jaws of the God of Beasts! Praise be! May he reign eternal!

The King has informed Lord Habbsberry that he will not be bringing any troops with him. The glory of conquering a God belongs to his resplendence alone! His iconic nude fighting style means that his rippling form will be on full display for the beleaguered citizenry held hostage within Aresgate! Praise be! From his awe-inspiring pectorals to his masterfully crafted triangle dick muscle, the King's glory shall breathe life back into the spirits of all who witness! Praise be!

Blessed are those who suffer, for from their plight sprouts a bounteous harvest, and a reaping that will be sung about to our children, and their children onwards! Praise be! Praise be!